Lisa’s daughter, Pandora, held her bachelorette party in Vegas and brought Lisa and Taylor along, because, well, her mom is on this show and they needed some footage. (We’re hoping Pandora had the sense to stay on a few extra days without mom and Bravo cameras so that she could do her real thing.)
At the same time, Adrienne invited the other ladies for a weekend of fun at her Palms hotel, where Camille and Brandi proved that their ex-husbands were the last things on their minds. Kyle and Kim stayed behind in Beverly Hills for various reasons, and both wound up crying a lot.
See what happens when you skip a party trip? Tears! No bueno.
LISA (44)
– Lisa’s daughter invited her and Taylor to attend her bachelorette party in Las Vegas, which makes us wonder if Pandora is a bit … touched (-3)
– Lisa goes with Pandora to pick out wedding dresses. At one point, Pandora says, “I think I want one with more diamonds on it.” Cha-ching! (-2)
– When the group gets to Las Vegas, Lisa reminds the bachelorette party guests, “Don’t forget, it’s Taylor’s birthday, too!” Right. Because a bunch of young girls want to celebrate a 40 year old’s birthday instead of toasting their pal’s last hurrah as a single woman (-4)
– Keeps referring to the Chippendales dancers as the Chipmunks, but when she meets them in the dressing room, she is far more appreciative of their, um, assets (+3)
– The group has front row seats at the Chippendales show, and at one point, Lisa, her daughter and Taylor all end up on stage participating in a lap dancing contest (-2)
– Lisa does not want to see Pandora grinding on some half-naked guy. But when it’s her turn, Lisa goes to town, doing an awkward, pigeon-toed gyration before collapsing in the chipmunk’s lap — and it’s good enough to win her the contest (+4)
– Amazingly, Pandora does not die of humiliation from this whole scene. She must be drunk (+2)
Net gain/loss: -2
Current total: 42
TAYLOR (-4)
– Taylor goes to lunch with Lisa and she’s not wearing much makeup. It’s refreshing to see someone in Beverly Hills without a heavy smoky eye and false lashes during bright daylight hours (+2)
– Taylor orders a huge pizza and is scarfing it down in front of Lisa, who is always accusing her of not eating (+3)
– Tells Lisa she has no recollection of what happened at Brandi’s party because she was too drunk. We never expected Taylor to say the same thing we’ve heard so many times from Snooki on Jersey Shore, but there it is (-3)
– Once they get to Las Vegas, Taylor commented that the hotel room was “off the chain.” We’re sure Lisa had no idea what she was talking about (+1)
– Taylor tells Lisa that her daughter made her 40 cupcakes for her 40th birthday. Lord knows she’s not gonna eat all those, and we’re taking donations (+3)
– At the Chippendales show, Taylor is screaming at the top of her lungs in the audience. We’re fairly certain she’s never seen a half-naked man wearing well-placed sock making simulated love to the air — and she likes it (+4)
– She is chosen to join the lap dancing contest and turns in an amazingly tame performance for how hot she seemed to be just moments before (-1)
Net gain/loss: +9
Current total: 5
ADRIENNE (123)
– Adrienne and Paul are booked as guests on The Doctors to discuss how a busy power couple can still stay in shape. On the way there, Paul reveals he hasn’t eaten breakfast. When he arrives at the studio, he asks producers for some kind of chocolate or candy…for breakfast Now, that’s a fitness diet we could get down with (+3)
– Oh wait. You mean that isn’t what a person should be doing to stay fit? (-2)
– Adrienne invites Camille, Brandi and Dana to Las Vegas for the weekend — not coincidentally, it’s the same weekend that Lisa is there with her daughter. No way Adrienne was gonna let Lisa’s daughter’s party and Planet Hollywood get all the air time (+4)
– Adrienne treats the ladies to a swanky dinner in a suite with a private bowling alley. This combination of women gets along from beginning to end. No drama when Adrienne is in charge (+5)
Net gain/loss: +10
Current total: 133
CAMILLE (112)
– Instead of just being comfy and barefoot during the private bowling party, Camille bowls in four-inch Louboutins. She does not break an ankle (+3)
– Later, when the ladies go clubbing, Camille and Brandi grind on each other like two drunken college girls. It’s a little creepy, but hot enough that some perv tries to get in on the action (+2)
Net gain/loss: +5
Current total: 117
KIM (68)
– Adrienne calls Kim to check in since Kim can’t make it to Las Vegas. She’s not coming because (insert excuse here) (-2)
– Kyle is disappointed when she can’t reach Kim during the photo shoot for her book. Then the sisters randomly run into each other while shopping, and Kim has a breakdown session on a store lounging sofa (-3)
– Kim is depressed because 1) Her kids are unhappy with her new domestic situation; 2) Her boyfriend gets jealous when she does spend time with her kids; 3) She loves this dude and is tired of being alone but feels that nobody is supporting her (-4)
– This sends her into a tailspin, and soon she’s bent over in Kyle’s lap, hyperventilating crying in the store. We sometimes do that in stores, too, but it’s usually right after we find out how much we’ve spent (-2)
Net gain/loss: -11
Current total: 57
KYLE (50)
–Kyle skips all the Las Vegas doings because she has a photo shoot for her new book cover, and has to plan her white party. Sadly, she missed another opportunity to do the splits in public (-3)
– Most people hit up Costco when they’re planning a huge event, but Beverly Hills Housewives like Kyle go places like the rent-a-huge-freakin’-chandelier store (+2)
– Kyle says she’s up til the wee hours of the morning writing her book. We are up until the wee hours of the morning writing about her and her cohorts. She wins (+3)
– When Kim has a total breakdown in a store over her boyfriends and kids, Kyle listens, consoles her and hugs her like a baby. Without being condescending, for once. Is the Kyle we know and love on her way back? (+4)
Net gain/loss: +6
Current total: 56
BRANDI (49)
– In Las Vegas, Brandi bowls in her walking cast and one stiletto and kicks ass at it (+3)
– When the ladies all go dancing, Brandi and Camille are totally grinding on each other, with Brandi instigating most of it. She rubs on Camille’s butt, waist, shoulders, etc. Apparently they don’t need no stinkin’ ex-husbands! (+4)
Net gain/loss: +7
Current total: 56
DANA (75)
– In Vegas, the only thing we hear from Dana begins, “So check this out…” If you think she’s going to brag about something expensive she’s wearing, you guessed correctly. This time, it’s a 125 carat lollipop necklace worth a million dollars. We’d rather have a million dollars worth of Blow Pops, but that’s just us (-2)
Net gain/loss: -2
Current total: 73
SCORECARD:
Adrienne: 133
Camille: 117
Dana: 73
Kim: 57
Brandi: 56
Kyle: 56
Lisa: 42
Taylor: 5
www.film.com
No comments:
Post a Comment